4 sure signs you need to quit your job!

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Our culture tends to emphasize the sticking-it-out mentality. We expect ourselves to be able to power through, to perform anywhere, to shine even in difficult circumstances and to make a responsible choice. This is particularly true in terms of work. We hold ourselves to a high standard and feel pressure to not just succeed, but excel. Also Read - Depression vs Stress: There’s a huge difference

It can, therefore, be truly anxiety-producing to consider leaving. No one wants to feel like a quitter. But if you’re experiencing the following, it may be time to move on:

1. You feel like a failure on a regular basis

At my last job, I needed to be good at a lot of different things at the same time. I was learning many for the first time. Juggling all of them not only made me feel scattered, but the diversity meant I never really got good at one. Essentially, I felt like I sucked at a lot of things, and never experienced real success.

I was self-aware enough to understand that this is what was going on, so I went to my manager. I suggested somehow morphing my role to include my true strengths (writing, speaking) and less of the things I was not good at doing. It made sense to me. I have a lot of skills and a lot to offer, but I wasn’t fitting into the role.

That didn’t end up happening. I was told to just hang on, to try harder, become more organized and do the other things more and better.

So I did. I tried. And I failed. I felt frustrated and discouraged, unhappy that I couldn’t master everything, do it right. I shamed myself for not being better, more organized, more efficient, more effective. The combination of doing a lot of things I wasn’t good at, and not doing the things I was, left me feeling both unhappy and unworthy. Over time, I began to believe not only that I was bad at the job, but that I was bad.

At any job, it is normal to have occasional bouts of self-doubt and to question your abilities. It is not normal to constantly question your worth or validity as a person because of your job performance.

If this is true for you, consider getting out. No job is worth sacrificing your sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

2. You constantly fantasize about leaving

Everyone, no matter how well-adjusted or how much they love their job, occasionally daydreams about leaving. What would it be like to have a fresh start? Where would I go? Would I stay in the area? Would I start my own thing? What would I do?

This is perfectly normal.

What’s not normal is to constantly think about leaving. It’s not normal to be in perpetual dialogue with yourself, going over the advantages and disadvantages of staying. It’s not normal to have an overwhelming sense of relief when you think about not being at the job anymore. It’s not normal to complain every single day about your job (just ask your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse how often you’re doing it). It’s not normal to cry over your job on a regular basis.

If you find yourself obsessively weighing the pros and cons of leaving versus staying, it’s a sign that the job isn’t right for you.

3. You don’t feel heard

Everyone’s relationship with their manager is different. The fact is, you’re just a better personality fit with certain people. It’s also a well-known psychological phenomenon that many people project their hopes, fears, and feelings about authority figures (usually parents) onto their managers.

That said, while some of the boss/employee relationship may be about you, some of it really is about your boss. And if you don’t feel heard by your manager, your job will be very stressful.

When I don’t feel heard, I don’t feel safe sharing how I truly feel. What’s the point if I don’t feel like s/he is actually going to listen? I stop asking for what I need because I have no faith I’ll get it. This leads to me feeling out of control because I’m expected to succeed without the things I need to do so.

Don’t assume it’s all you, or that you’re a bad employee. You have the right to your feelings, and if you don’t feel heard, you don’t feel heard. Sure, there are things you could do better, but there’s a difference between knowing there are areas of improvement and feeling lost and alone because you don’t have an ally in the person to whom you report.

If you repeatedly feel let down or unheard after talking to your manager, they’re probably a bad manager. They may be brilliant at other aspects of the job (such as managing numbers), but managing human beings is a very specific skill, and one that many people lack.

Bottom line: When you don’t feel supported and protected by your manager, it’s extremely difficult to perform. You need to feel like your manager has your back.

4. You dread going to work

I’m not talking about being annoyed about the commute or the fact that Janel from Accounting always ‘accidentally’ takes your parking spot or that smelly Jeff repeatedly lets his soup explode in the microwave, leaving a crusty film of beef stroganoff.

No I’m talking about that pit-in-your-stomach, ulcer-inducing, gut-wrenching feeling you get at the end of the weekend when you realize you’re going to have to go back there tomorrow.

Once, while, at my last job, I spoke with a mentor about it. I burst into tears as I described what I was going through. He got it right away, saying, ‘And do you dread Sunday because you’ve got That Team Meeting on Monday the one with all the numbers you feel like you’re not living up to?’

‘YES!’ I cried. ‘I get anxious just thinking about it.’

‘I had a job like that once,’ he said, ‘a sales position. I always had numbers to hit, and it was exhausting. That was when I realized I hated sales.’

‘And are you happier now?’ I asked, tears streaking my face.

‘You bet,’ he said. ‘I figured out what was a good fit for me, and what wasn’t.’

‘I’m just not sure I can keep doing this,’ I said biting my lip and looking down. ‘I’m thinking of quitting.’

He looked at me thoughtfully, with kind brown eyes. ‘Sometimes,’ he said, ‘that’s the best thing to do.’

It’s never easy to decide to quit a job.

There are a lot of factors to consider, including financial and career implications.

But there’s something else, something less talked about, but equally as relevant. It’s especially compelling for those who are high-functioning and used to succeeding: It’s hard to consider leaving a job because it’s easy to make it mean, I couldn’t hack it.

We are conditioned to believe that the responsible choice is to push through, to ‘make it work.’ But forcing it doesn’t always work, and repeated exposure to a toxic environment is bad for you. It saps your vitality, leaving you less able to take care of both yourself and the people you love.

When you experience physiological symptoms associated with work (trouble sleeping, knots in your stomach, poor diet, neglecting your relationships), you’re endangering your health. Everyone knows your job shouldn’t feel like torture, yet many stay even when it does.

There’s also a different way of looking at it. Instead of viewing quitting a job that’s not right for you as, ‘I couldn’t hack it,’ you could see it as, ‘I choose to take care of myself physically, mentally, and spiritually.’

And that’s a powerful choice.

While quitting can be overwhelming to think about, it’s manageable. Start by admitting to yourself that it’s something that feels right. Talk about it with the people you really trust. Then take a deep breath, take a step back, and devise a plan.When you’re at the right position, you enjoy being there more of the time than you don’t. You feel like you belong and like you’re contributing. You feel heard by your manager and like you fit in with the people around you. You’re taking care of yourself by spending your precious energy and time at a place where you feel good.

You deserve a job like that.

Melanie holds a BA and MA in Communications from Stanford University, and is an expert on Millennials, brand engagement, and content marketing (including viral content). Formerly a professional editor with Kaplan, she moved on to work with tech giant Uber before becoming Director of Communications at OpiaTalk, the Baltimore-based eCommerce startup. OpiaTalk turns browsers into buyers, converting at 4-5x industry average.

Melanie loves her job at OpiaTalk, the hyper-conversion widget. We help e-tailers make the most of their organic traffic our social commerce widget turns browsers into buyers. One of our latest clients is seeing up to 19% in-widget conversion (nope, not a typo). OpiaTalk releases a time-sensitive promo on your site once a certain amount of visitors click, and also drives opted-in leads. Check us out atwww.opiatalk.com or contact hello@opiatalk.com.

Melanie invites connection of all kinds, including the LinkedIn variety: melanie@opiatalk.com.

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Published : September 12, 2014 12:18 pm | Updated:September 25, 2014 4:26 pm