How important is it to have a parent around during childhood?

Is it important for mothers to be around their children while they are growing up? Our expert Dr Leena Deshpande gives us the answers.

By: Dr Leena Deshpande | | Updated: May 7, 2015 3:25 pm

Aishwarya Rai was in the news recently for saying that she didn’t want to do a film with her husband Abhishek Bachchan until her daughter Aaradhya was at least old enough to go to school. She wanted one of them to be always there with the child. This is a common phenomenon in today’s world, with both parents working which raises the question – how important is it for a child to have a parent around all the time? These days with both parents working, there is going to be a generation of children who will be taken care of by nannies or grandparents or household help. Dr Leena Deshpande, a developmental paediatrician gives her view on the issue: Also Read - Akshay Kumar, Piyush Mishra, Sonam Kapoor and more Bollywood celebs who opened up on facing sexual abuse in childhood

Do children need parents around? But, of course! Right from infancy when feeding and basic care like cleaning, hygiene, etc. are but second nature to a parent. In the growing stage, parents play an important role in a child’s development and overall personality. Parents are like solid pillars on which the children lean knowing that they always are there for them. Also Read - Genes linked to common brain disorder, Chiari 1 malformation, identified

Even later when the child attends school, academic issues and friends and social behaviour are all dependent, directly or indirectly on the parents. The adolescent stage also needs parents in no small measure. The simple knowledge that the parents are present physically, mentally and emotionally in an unconditional manner means a lot to the child. (Read: New-age parenting: Understand your adolescent better!) Also Read - Kids turning hypertensive: Get your child screened for early detection

All that would be true in an ideal world. However, in a world where money rules and financial concerns predominate – one can’t be just sitting at home the whole day. Thus, the mother is forced to return to work, sooner rather than later, reluctantly handing the above duties/activities in some measure to the grandparents or maids or babysitters or nannies. This brings about some compromises in the above mentioned roles. The toddler who is forever active realises that the grandparents cannot keep up with their energy levels as the parents. The maid is more engrossed in work and cannot devote more than a token display of time and activity to the child. Parents returning from work are exhausted and while the basic necessities may be provided for, the stimulating atmosphere to help a child develop or grow may not be suitably provided.

However, that does not always push the argument in favour of a parent not working outside the home. A mother who stays at home may also be busy at home, especially in a nuclear family and the jet-setting pace of the city that she tends to use TV or other e-media as babysitters to entertain the child while she continues finishing her ‘work’. This can lead to a severe detrimental effect on the child’s behaviour, concentration and development.

So, yes, having a responsive and stimulating adult around the child in formative years is nothing short of priceless. This may be the mother but could be the father also as any interested, interactive adult can help in optimizing the child’s development.

But more importantly, it is not mere physical presence but the quality of time spent with the child that matters. Even if both parents are working, as long as they set aside quality time to spend with their child, there is no reason to believe that there will be a detrimental effect on the growth, personality and development. This quality time should be uninterrupted by TV, mobiles or e media.

There is nothing set in stone or gold about how a parent should behave or what is ideal. Each set of parents has to approach this individually and be able to work out what is best for their set of circumstances. What is ideal may not be practical but what is workable can be made as close to ideal as possible!!

In a school-going child’s life, a lot of events occur in school. Some are happy occasions while in some cases the children feel a need to vent out their feeling when they return home. Presence of a parent goes a long way in helping them to calm down. Returning to locked houses may make this process very difficult and disturbing. Inappropriate TV, and media that is unsupervised carries major risks. (Read: Tips for working mothers: How to spend more time with your child)

There is no agreed age when children can be left alone at home safely. Legally, in most countries it is 12 years of age, but age alone cannot determine this. Children mature at different ages and that has to be considered.

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Published : October 9, 2013 3:29 pm | Updated:May 7, 2015 3:25 pm

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