How to get over a relationship — tips to deal with a break-up

Tips to deal with a heartbreak.

By: Rachel Hercman | | Updated: September 25, 2014 5:46 pm

A break-up can be a devastating event, regardless of how long the relationship was or whether the split was expected. When a relationship ends, it is normal for people to undergo full range of emotions, some of which may seem confusing or contradictory. Here are some tips by Rachel Hercman, a psychotherapist specialising in sexuality, dating, and relationships, to deal with a break-up effectively. Also Read - Don’t let a break-up wreak havoc on your mental health amidst the lockdown

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Rest. Eat right. Exercise.
Surround yourself with positive people who love and accept you as you are.
Give yourself time to grieve and experience the feelings you are having.
It can be helpful to limit your interactions and communications with your ex. This can be difficult, as the person may have become your best friend and confidante with whom you shared everything, but if you want to move on then you need to give yourself time away from this person.
If you find yourself feeling depressed, hopeless, needy, or feel like you’re stuck in a pit that you can’t climb out of, speaking to a therapist can give you a place to work through this difficult time in your life and help you restore the sense of self.

Though the initial few days can be rough, when you think you are ready, try to analyse yourself about how you are in a relationship. Here are a few questions to ask yourself: Also Read - What are the pros and cons of dating someone from the same profession?

What did I learn about myself in this relationship?

Being in a relationship means getting to know another person and but also getting to know yourself. Neglecting to reflect on the kind of partner you were would be missing out on an important opportunity to mature as a person.

Maybe you realised that you’re actually more needy than you thought? Maybe you thought opposites attract but now you’re thinking that maybe for you, opposites collide? Perhaps you thought you weren’t looking for a serious relationship but now you think maybe you were?

Think about the kind of person you were in conflict; was I able to articulate my feelings and be vulnerable or did I just stonewall and give silent treatment? Did I apologise easily with a full heart? Do I need to apologise for my part?

What did I do right in this relationship that I can be proud of and would like to bring to my next relationship?

Reflecting on the relationship shouldn’t be all about the other person. Pat yourself on the back for what you contributed to the relationship. Sometimes after a break-up people will make declarations for future relationships, and it is often less an intellectual decision and more a reactionary one to current pain. For example, the current partner may not have appreciated your giving nature but swearing off that part of you shouldn’t be the corrective measure moving forward.

When did I stop listening to my gut?

Often after a break-up people will look back and realise that there were signs that the relationship had issues but they chose to ignore the signs for various reasons. Getting to know your gut and why you may avoid listening to it can be crucial not only for building better relationships in the future, but for everything in your life.

As you become better at recognising an uneasy feeling in your gut, you will find yourself spending less time trying to intellectually figure out relationship issues because you’ll start hearing the answers that are already inside of you, if you are willing to listen

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Rachel Hercman, LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) is a psychotherapist specializing in sexuality, dating, and relationships. She works at the Medical Center for Female Sexuality in New York (www.centerforfemalesexuality.com), a center that provides cutting-edge medical and psychological treatment for female sexual dysfunction, where she helps women improve their sexual functioning, body image and relationship satisfaction. Rachel attended City University of New York Queens College and graduated with honors from Wurzweiler School of Social Work in Manhattan. After graduating she worked as a psychotherapist in clinical practice in Brooklyn, NY conducting individual, family and group therapy and was a consultant on women’s issues for area schools. She has lectured nationally and is a consultant for local clergy and educators on addressing sexual and relationship issues with youth and adults. In addition to her training as a psychotherapist, Rachel is an ACE (American Council on Exercise) certified Fitness Trainer and Lifestyle and Weight Management Coach, and uses a holistic perspective in helping women overcome obstacles in their sexual functioning. She can be reached at Rachel@centerforfemalesexuality.com

Published : June 24, 2014 11:49 am | Updated:September 25, 2014 5:46 pm

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