I cannot penetrate my wife due to erectile dysfunction. What do I do?

Despite being married for 8 months, I am unable to have sex with my wife. What should I do?

By: Dr Vijayasarathi Ramanathan | | Updated: February 2, 2015 1:04 pm

I have been married for 8 months now, and I have still not been able to penetrate my wife. My problem is that, whenever I take my penis near her vagina, I lose my erection. My wife too is a little fearful of the penetration. In some cases, whenever I am able to maintain my erection, I am only able to put the tip of the penis inside and nothing more. We are working professionals, and feel tired at the end of the day. Also Read - Looking for ways to lighten your vaginal area? 5 home remedies you can try

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Considering that we have not been able to achieve penetrative sex solely due to erectile dysfunction, what are the measures I can take to overcome it? I don t know if it is my erectile dysfunction or her fear that is failing us. Also Read - The size of the average Indian penis revealed!

Both of us love each other a lot. Both of us are healthy too. My wife was under medication for TB of lymph nodes for 6 months after our marriage. Is it better to go to the doctor? Please suggest some remedies.

Answered by Sexual Health Physician & Medical Sex Therapist Dr Vijaysarathi Ramanthan

I can tell you with utmost confidence that you are not the only couple to face such issue. It sounds like your wife is having an issue what is called vaginismus resulting in you having difficulties with erection. It is not possible to be in a sexually aroused state when the person you love is in pain and behaves in an odd way. As you both are in a loving relationship, I would encourage you to seek well qualified health professionals (sexologists and sex therapists) who can give you more advice and instructions to overcome your concerns. The good news is that the issue that you facing could be very well managed, provided you both are committed to be fully involved in the therapy.

Dr Ramanathan completed his undergraduate course in medicine in India before migrating to Australia in 2005. Since then he has acquired three PG qualifications MMed-SexHlth, GradDip-HlthSc and PhD from the University of Sydney, one of the finest and oldest institutions. He has spent over five years (in Australia) researching sexuality and sexual health of Indian men. Since 2009, through his site the SSS Centre for Sexual Health, he has been providing health e-consultations, conducted community-based surveys and built a strong partnership with other sexual health professionals. He has also worked with NGOs and the media to increase awareness about sexual health. He has undergone special training in Health Coaching, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Counselling. His understanding of Indian sexuality has been recognized by his peers and for a textbook titled The Cultural Context of Sexual Pleasure and Problems which was published in 2012, he wrote the chapter on Indian sexuality. He is the current representative of India and Asia Pacific region on the Youth Initiative, World Association for Sexual Health. He can be consulted on his website.