Are you a sex addict? Our expert answers

What appears to be an addictive behaviour to one person might seem to be 100 percent okay for another.

By: Dr Vijayasarathi Ramanathan | | Updated: May 11, 2015 12:45 pm

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UK s National Health Service (NHS) defines addiction as ‘not having control over doing, taking or using something to the point that where it could be harmful for you. Any behaviour that has a strong pleasure associated with it has a tendency to become addictive. While the addictive nature of all those behaviours is the same, addiction to sex is seen very different and labelled bad in most societies. But, when sex addiction involves and impacts others in the society, then it becomes a genuine problem and needs to be dealt with. On the other hand, some sex addictions just involve a single person and it does not pose any threat to him/her or others. Also Read - Sex addiction gets mental health disorder tag

Dr Vijayasarathi Ramanathan, sexual health physician and medical sex therapist answers a few questions.

Is sex addiction a modern phenomenon?

Not quite. Terms like nymphomania or satyriasis, terms to describe sex addiction in women and men respectively have been around since ancient times. It s because of our increased connectivity now that we often hear about more and more cases of sex addiction or sex-related behaviour. Is sex addiction, depicted in Hunterrr, a real illness?

How much is too much?

The problem of addiction can be aptly described using a popular Tamil proverb which when translated means An elixir which generally does good to us by improving health or protecting problems becomes a poison when it is taken more than what is required. The key issue is examining how much is too much. When we are prescribed medicines, we are usually prescribed how much we should take. But for behaviours of addictive nature, it is very hard to draw a line between what is acceptable and what is not as it varies from person to person, society to society, culture to culture, time to time and so on. It could also rely on other factors such as the individuals, medical professionals, research evidence, society, religion etc. Here are 5 celebrities who suffer from sex addiction.

What appears to be an addictive behaviour to one person might seem to be 100 percent okay for the person who exhibits that behaviour and each will have their justification. So, the best person to judge whether a behaviour of addictive nature is problematic or not, or what is acceptable or not, is the individual provided they have all the right information before making that judgment. While some addictive behaviour has just psychological dependence, others could have physical/health implications and/or lead to legal problems. That s when the line should be drawn if an individual feels that he or she has lost control, that s when they should seek professional help. Failure to do so could result in serious physical, mental, legal or social implications and could change the course of rest of their lives. Can too much sex have side-effects? (Sex Query of the Day)

Are all addicts mentally ill?

Does labelling all addictive behaviours as mental disorder help the persons who have a concern/problem? Probably not! Because he/she would feel ashamed and embarrassed to seek professional help, fearing whether she will be labelled as a mentally ill person which could have serious implication, especially in countries like India. Revealed The secret of substance addiction.

An addiction is an addiction

When evaluating any behaviour of addictive nature, it is important to focus on the severity of the problem, how it impacts the person involved and others in the society and not so much on judging the value of that behaviour. For example, when two different individuals have behaviours of addictive nature (one involves sex and the other involves video games), they both have to be clinically evaluated in the same way and managed appropriately irrespective of what they are addicted to. Are sex addicts really addicted?

Are you an addict?

The best way to know whether you are addicted to a particular sexual behaviour (or for that matter any behaviour), is to ask yourself the following questions:

Do I have control over this behaviour?
Is the behaviour controlling me?
What are the consequences (health, social, legal) of this behaviour?
Is my behaviour causing any trouble? Do I really want to get over this?

While these questions are not part of any formal assessment, it is very practical and worth asking these questions repeatedly over a period of time. The fundamental to behaviour change is having a good insight of the problem. It is quite challenging for a person to change behaviour if he/she is in a state of denial that he/she does not have a problem. Self-assess and if you see a problem, do acknowledge and then you will have the motivation to seek help. If you are in doubt whether you have a problem or not, again seek professional help. A simple strategy to test whether you are dependent/addicted on a particular sexual behaviour (for example masturbation, viewing porn) is to set a time (say a week) for yourself during which you will not engage in that behaviour. To your surprise, you will be able to do and feel good about it. If you cannot stay away from the behaviour, it may indicate that you have an addiction problem. However, it is still good that you made a serious attempt and that you need some extra support and strategies to overcome it. Is my husband addicted to sex? (Sex Query)

Is seeking pleasure a problem?

I think, as human beings, we are innately geared to seek pleasure. Every day, we do so many things to seek pleasure of which some involves sex, intimacy and eroticism while the rest involves our other senses (hearing, viewing, eating, etc.). It is important to understand that we are not just innately geared to procreate but to seek pleasure. According to some Hindu mythological beliefs, procreation was an outcome of seeking bodily/sexual pleasure. And pleasure is considered one of the three pillars of true happiness in life (the other two are meaningful life and engagement). Is Gwyneth Paltrow a sex addict?

However, most people in this day and age cannot come to terms with this fact because of cultural influences and the societies they live in. To add to this, a lot of scientific work has been done around sexual problems and not on sexual pleasure, when in fact understanding pleasure could be the solution to problems.

Sex addiction can be treated

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Motivational Interviewing are some of the techniques/therapies that are available to help people with addictive behaviours. Those who have serious problems with addiction need a multidisciplinary approach – which means that different health professionals, family members and social support come to help them. More importantly, the person (self) needs to be appropriately involved in the management in his/her care.

If you need professional help, you could reach out to Dr Vijayasarathi Ramanathan on his website.

Image source: Getty Images

Published : May 11, 2015 12:00 pm | Updated:May 11, 2015 12:45 pm