How sex therapy can save your marriage

A specialist is required for a correct diagnosis and if your problem is more serious than you perceive, would you rather treat it yourself?

By: Neha Malude | | Updated: March 23, 2015 12:49 am

Whenever someone has severe cough and cold, one does not think twice before going to the doctor. However, whenever there is a problem related to sex people are too embarrassed to seek treatment. If your marriage too is suffering the brunt of an unhealthy sex life, then visiting a sex therapist could definitely change things. Also Read - Women with severe menopause symptoms more likely to experience sexual dysfunction

Also Read - Low libido: Stop eating these 5 foods that might be killing your sex drive

Is sex and its importance overrated? Also Read - Struggling with low libido? 8 reasons that could be killing your sex drive

No. The label of taboo on sex implies that our mentality is that sex is a sin or an act meant only for pleasure but that s not it. It goes beyond that and what better proof than our ancient scriptures? Sex was considered a path to spirituality but not just that. Simply put, sex is an outcome of any other bodily need or function just as a body needs to eat, sleep and breathe, it needs sex too. Humans are hardwired for it and it has a direct effect on our health and mind. In fact, you might be interested in knowing a few health benefits of having sex!

Got a sex problem? Ssh

The biggest downside of this mentality is that problems related to sex get brushed under the carpet. These issues include erectile dysfunction, ejaculation disorders, low libido, and pain during intercourse. Although treatable to a large extent, issues related to sexual dysfunction need to be discussed first which is where people fall short. Mostly because they either think it s not serious or they re too embarrassed to discuss it.

How do you know you have a problem?

For men low sex drive, inability to maintain erection or have an orgasm (or have one only through oral sex or masturbation), lack of ejaculation, bloody ejaculation and persisting erection are some of the problems. In women, sexual dysfunction manifests itself in the form of the lack of desire to have sex, painful intercourse, maintaining arousal during it or lack of orgasm.

Continuous signs can cause considerable distress between partners and affect their relationship. A simple yet clear indication of whether this is likely to be a problem is that it persists. Read about the 8 things that can ruin your sex life!

What might cause sexual dysfunction?

In men, erectile dysfunction may be caused by diseases that affect blood flow, such as atherosclerosis, nerve disorders, stress and performance anxiety. Loss of libido can be caused from physical or mental factors. Diabetes, high BP and even certain medications can cause this. There are many more causes for sexual dysfunction but these are most common. In women, sexual dysfunction usually occurs following a change in hormonal activity such as after birth or during menopause. Cancer or heart diseases can also play a part.

When and why you need to visit a specialist

The obvious answer is when your sex life is in trouble and it is affecting other aspects of your life. Because you may not even realize it, it is important to consult a doctor no matter how small the issue seems to be. It s unfortunate that one s sex life, particularly in India, is considered a low priority but it s important to understand that it can affect you in ways you didn t know.

If you are too embarrassed to consult a specialist, find a friend or a family member you can confide in. But as much as possible, you must be able to discuss it with your partner. It might appear unthinkable to some but it s a step in the right direction.

Course of treatment

The treatment begins with routine tests and examination by the doctor who might suggest you to get a check-up done with other specialists like urologists, gynaecologists or endocrinologists. Make sure you do a full disclosure about whatever medicines or supplements you take or have taken in the past. The best practice in sexual health issues is to talk to your doctor. Communication is of utmost importance when one is dealing with sexual health issues.

In men particularly, treatments may involve medications (Viagra, for instance), hormonal supplementation, psychological therapy and mechanical aids (such as penile implants). For women, the treatment may include hormone replacement therapy (for those suffering from vaginal dryness and discomfort during intercourse), topical oestrogen (applied as cream) or surgery (for cysts and tumours).

However, not all treatments are suited to everyone and the risks of some treatments are still debatable; so be sure to ask the right questions before your doctor asks you to proceed. Apart from regular treatment, couple therapy is also effective. Therapy helps couples find out the root of the problem or if it s related to a past problem such as sexual abuse during childhood.

According to Dr Vijaysarathi Ramanathan (a practising sexual health physician and medical sex therapist), people need to be educated about what s normal. As sex education is often neglected in India and even parents don t talk to their kinds about it, people don t know what s normal and the range of normality. Another key strategy is to figure out whether the problem is of the mind or body. Further treatment would be based on that. Education is the key.

What can I do from my side?

The healthier you are, the better your sex life it s that simple. And that means no smoking, controlled drinking, not stressing, sleeping well, being physically active and of course, eating healthy. Read about the lifestyle changes that will improve your sex life!

If there are over-the-counter pills, why do I need a specialist?

Yes, there are drugs for erectile dysfunction that are available over the counter but how do you know that s the correct solution? For all you know, your problem might be caused by a blood pressure problem and not performance anxiety. And women can buy hormone pills for their issues, but again, how do you know that s the perfect solution?

A specialist is required for a correct diagnosis and if your problem is more serious than you perceive, would you rather treat it yourself? Obviously not! Now, if a woman is facing vaginal dryness, she can try a lubricant to see if it helps and if the problem still persists, she can approach a doctor.

However, Dr Ramanathan adds that it s imperative to seek help from a proper source. For example when one reads something on a website, one shouldn t judge the validity of the information based on its look but should rather check for information credibility and if that particular information is being endorsed by specialists.

How expensive is it to consult a sex therapist?

The cost varies depending on the experience, goodwill and education of the doctor, but you can expect to pay anywhere between Rs. 500 to Rs. 2000 for a consultation.

The last word

Sex related problems in India are like the ‘elephant in the room’ everyone knows about it but no one s willing to talk about it. And as long as that happens, there s very less hope for those suffering in silence and for what? A simple problem that could be taken care of simply by discussing it. So, stop suffering and start talking. It s the best way out.

Image source: Getty Images

Published : March 9, 2015 4:00 pm | Updated:March 23, 2015 12:49 am

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